Backbone

I hate conflict. I hate confrontation. So much so that I will go to pretty great lengths to avoid it at all costs.

It's almost to an unhealthy extreme. It can get to the point where I am completely backed into a corner, or in other situations left hung out to dry. This at times gets me into even worse situations than what they start out to be, and I only have to fight harder to avoid the inevitable.

Tonight, I was faced with a situation where it would have been easy to be a pushover. To suppress my true feelings and opinions and allow someone else to yank me around. But somewhere in the midst of feeble attempts to weakly push back, I decided I just had to be honest, even if the truth was not something this person wanted to hear. You have to realize, it was like nails screeching slowly and painfully across a chalkboard for me to accomplish such a feat. It was not fun. They did their best to make me feel like the bad guy when all I was trying to do was tell the truth (and in a very gentle and diplomatic way I'll have you know). Even so, I was left feeling bad about it, and I still do a little.

The person might not like my any more. He might not even speak to me again.

...But it's ok. It's ok not to be everyone's best friend and the most likable person if I am sticking to my guns and standing up for myself.

And while I am pretty sure it won't be any easier or pleasant the next time I have to do the same thing...at least I don't have to deal with that situation any more. I feel a little like Pam in 'The Office' when she walks on the bed of coals and then pours her heart out to all of her co-workers at Beach Day. It's a very uncharacteristic that I would feel so liberated, but maybe I am walking a little taller tonight.