He Works in Mysterious Ways

I'll admit, I have a hard time writing 'emotional' posts. Keep it lighthearted, keep it funny at times - don't expose the depths of your heart. Even beyond my blog, I don't easily open up to an extreme degree with very many people. At the risk of this sounding 'Guideposts' or cheesy, I want to share a little story.

First of all, Gabe brought me an entire roll of paper towels. In his mouth. But I'll come back to that.

I was talking to my beautiful friend Melissa online today. She is someone I only have met in person one time, but we have stayed in touch. Something between us just clicked as soon as I met her, and her friendship has been an extreme blessing over the last few years. She understands so much about where I am coming from on many things, not to mention we have a dandy time discussing the latest 'American Idol' or our thoughts on where 'Lost' is headed.

The conversation ended up taking a turn that led me to opening up to her about just what I have been through in the past couple of years, particularly the last 7 months. It's not something I'll choose to describe in detail here, but it had to do with a very significant relationship in my life ending with someone so special to me. And as I shared with her and re-lived some of the worst moments of my lifetime, the tears just came. Some of the wounds are still more fresh than I maybe realized, and tears soon turned into sobs. (It's been a rough year, ok?) It wasn't long before I broke into that roll of paper towels, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. There it was, the 'Guideposts' moment; it hit me that maybe God allowed Gabe to be a butt head just to lift my spirits a little. Had he not carried them to me, I would have at least had to walk the twelve feet over to the sink for a paper towel...It was a reminder that God does care about tears that feel futile, and that He is here whether I believe it or not.

Recently, Melissa shared a quote from C.S. Lewis with me, and it has proven to be extremely life-giving and hope-filling over the last few weeks.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the perturbations of love is Hell."

In addition to getting a perm, I think I might get these words tattooed across my forehead, so I will constantly re-read them.

There. I am done being emo now.