I sound like I have a mental disorder?

I don't know where home is any more. For real, I don't.

For years, Colorado was home. Namely, Montrose. And then big bad Kansas City came in and swooped up my family, tossing them about the country and making us cry like babies.

And then I moved back to Montrose. More crying.
And then I moved to Greeley, where I stayed for three years of college.
I spent summer and Christmas breaks in Kansas City during that time, looking forward to seeing my family and the few friends I had there, but always glad to get back to Colorado too.
And then I graduated. Probably some crying involved somewhere.
And then I lived in Kansas City over the summer.
Texas came next, but only for four months. Lots of crying there.
And then, it was back to Kansas City again. Followed by more crying.

I should mention that, throughout all of this chaos, I have had five driver's licenses. In seven years of driving. Stoopid.

I was probably more sad than ever to live here, but that had to do with a lot of other things. Like a hellish break up. And still not having very many friends. And not feeling confident about which direction my life was taking. Every plan that I had had up to that point was nowhere to be found.

But soon, six or eight months passed. And I fell in love with my church. And I could walk in to that building and run into lots of people who I knew there and they would greet me with smiles and hugs. And even though I would still often feel like a wall flower, it became a lot more obvious that I was part of a group, and in the loop. A part of me still longed for Colorado, but Kansas City was treating me well.

And then...I got a job. One that took me back to Colorado. Which was wonderful and awful all at once. Ironically, there was more crying when I moved back. And ever since being there, I have been so happy to be back in a familiar place. And to enjoy the beautiful weather and scenery. And to have ample time with the great friends I have made over the years. To make things even better, my parents also are moving out there, which means frequent visits.

The next part is that, after two months of living there, I quit my job. Which is again both wonderful and awful all at once. Because I am so happy to be done with that place, but also pretty much at a loss of what to do next. (But I'm not worried. At least not yet.)

Which brought me to taking a two week trip to Kansas City. Which brings me to my current thoughts. I was pretty much thrilled to be coming back to the place that had been so aversive to me for so long. And when I saw the 'sold' sign on my parents' house here in town, I was not 100% thrilled. It all seemed so backwards to me - was this not what I had been hoping for for years? I've only been gone for two months, so to be back here for an extensive visit basically tricks me into thinking that I never moved. That I have only been on a trip for a few months.

I don't regret moving. And I am still really glad my parents will both be out there soon. But I think I fell more in love with Kansas City than I once thought would ever be possible. HOW ARE THESE THOUGHTS COMING FROM MY HEAD???

It's sort of annoying not to have a home. But also sort of cool, because it means I love a bunch of different homes.

And also. I am glad that Colorado and Kansas hold hands. Because it makes it a lot easier to float between the two.

You Make All Things Work Together For my Good

I'm quite in love with this. And what better words to be chewing on during a time of unemployment?*



*(oh yeah, i quit my job.)

Goofus.

He is one.

Good Morning, Sunshine

This day off is like that first gasp of air when you've been seeing how long you can hold your breath underwater and finally come back to the surface.

I'm so glad to be to today.

I was determined not to let anything come between me and sleeping in. And, as Murphy's Law would have it, today that was not the case. Gabe is usually awesome about staying asleep until I get up. But, he managed to break into his food bag yesterday (yes, AGAIN) while I was in the shower for a brief 15 minutes or so. Enough time to do some damage. Thankfully he didn't wake up periodically through the night, but by 5 am he was desperate to go guzzle some water. Maybe dog food is really high in sodium, I'm not sure. But every time he goes on a food binge (which I am coming to realize is WAY too frequently in his two years of life), he is desperate to consume water in huge quantities.

And so I found myself stumbling out of the bedroom in the dark, Gabe first hitting up the TOILET for refreshment. Because, you know, walking six feet to the bathroom is so much easier than the 15 feet to the kitchen and water bowl. 'It's a good thing you're so cute,' I always tell him, 'because otherwise you'd be back on the streets.'

I managed to fall back asleep until about 7:45, when our wonderful neighbor decided to start up his motorcycle. Simple, right? Apparently not. Why start it up once when you could start it up 13 times or so? Why let it sit there idling when you could rev the engine for maximum noise? And why wait until the sun is really up and shining when you could get to it before 8 am?

In his defense, I guess I should acknowledge that it's still a workday for most of the world. And, if truth be told, 7:45 is still more than two hours later than I usually wake up. But, while we're on the topic of truth, you should probably know that I flipped him off in my mind. (Hi, Mom and Dad!)

So what does the rest of the day hold? By now I should probably know better than to make plans. Because obviously things don't always go like I imagine them to. But I can say with confidence that I will spend some time with the bestie before she heads off to Europe for a very long month, and I will be seeing this guy play a show tonight with the company of some Greeley friends.

PS: Kansas City in two weeks. I'm so ready.

Maybe I Just Need More Sleep

I can't really put how exactly I am feeling into words.

But I feel like I am running a million miles an hour, need to stop and breathe, and can't do so.

Work is non-stop. There is always something new to learn. Something I have forgotten. Or something another employee has forgotten that I have to figure out and get settled. And I am there starting at 645 am, 6 days a week. One day off flies by in a heartbeat. One morning to sleep in (if I get to at all) is almost non-existent.

This morning was chaos. Phones ringing, appointments being made (remember to pull the charts, print off consent forms, and write in the chart to prep it for the appointment.) Clients arriving, animals needing to be checked in. For boarding. Grooming. Or to see the doctor. Sometimes they are being checked in for all of those things at once. Make phone calls to confirm appointments for tomorrow. Prep charts for the appointments coming in tomorrow. Answer more phones. Prepare a chart for two new clients. Check clients out when they are done. BABYSIT A ONE YEAR OLD. (yes, I am being honest). And make sure you're not stepping on anyone's toes. And make sure you can keep up with everyone else. And don't mess up. And ask questions if you get confused, but don't BOTHER them with questions. And this doctor has this policy, but the other doctor doesn't care. But make sure you never do this around this doctor. Oh, and don't be surprised if the other doctor just calls and cancels all afternoon appointments anyway.

I feel frazzled. It hasn't even been two months. And I have learned a lot, but it feels like there is still so much to learn.

And in the spare time I do have, there are houses to be seen for next year. Groceries to be bought. Friends who need a listening ear. A dog that needs to run and let off his excess energy. Sleep, in very small dosages. SHOWERS TO BE TAKEN OCCASIONALLY. Since when does showering feel like an overwhelming task???

I'm not wanting to be a complainer. I am blessed with so much. But the stress is creeping up on me. I feel incapable. Anxiety is high when I am constantly holding my breath at the office, waiting to discover the next mess that has to be dealt with. My trainers are my security blanket, and I feebly attempt to cling on to them at all times. Does anyone know where I can get some thicker skin? Mine's feeling pretty paper thin. When employees and clients alike are throwing a huge fit and blowing off tons of steam, I just wish they had more Jesus. I need more of Him too.

This is Pointless, and Probably Will Make me Late For Work.

I can't tell you how good it feels to sleep in and then take a power walk with Gabe before work. It never gets to happen! Except for today. Yes.

I think about dogs way too much. And Gabe is all I want in a dog. But someday I want to get another one. I want another Gabe. Which will never happen, because he is one of a kind. But, I am pretty sure he is Golden Retriever crossed with a Border Collie. Two of the best breeds! They're so different in so many ways though. So tell me, if it was based on looks alone...who would you choose?





Maybe I need one of each.

It's Monday

Walked ten dogs.
Sent three home.
Took in two more.
Bathed one.
Medicated two cats.
Cleaned their nasty cages.
Gained one more.
Fed all.
Frantically did laundry.
Climbed the stairs 89 times? It felt like that.
Didn't even touch the cleaning - ran out of time.

And now, I get to go back for 6 and a half hours of desk duty.

Monday is lame.

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But even as stressed/frustrated/tired as I feel today, I am thankful for every blessing. And I will make it through the day just fine. Please offer up your prayers for these guys.