We have today off from our classes. It is very welcomed by me, and we have just 7 class days left before Thanksgiving and our halfway point in the program. I am so ready to make a trip home, to get away from here and have a change. Overall, it really seems like the time here has passed quickly. Paradoxically (is that a word?) it feels like the weeks have just dragged on and on since the break up.

I made a trip down to San Antonio on Saturday night to meet up with Spencer. It was a highly anticipated time for me, although I felt a lot of mixed emotions going into it. A lot of you have been anxiously awaiting news of how it went. I think I myself am still processing it to a certain extent. Am I glad I went? Yes. Was it super hard? Yes. Was there some kind of new revelation or definitive conclusion from it? I'm not really sure. This whole process is going to have to be something that takes a lot of time. Seven weeks has felt like excessive time to me as it is. I am extremely weary from the long, hard journey it's been thus far. I long for an easier path, but I'm not sure that is even an option at this point.

From what I could gather, he is going in the direction he should be and he seemed authentic about that. I was encouraged to hear about his progress. We exchanged some very meaningful words to each other, things that will stick with me forever. At the very same time, I am having to work very hard to guard my heart and to not put myself in a place where I will be hurt all over again. It was over all too quickly, and I was very broken as I pulled away from the venue they were playing at that night. Ever since I got back up to school, I have felt an overwhelming feeling of loss and missing him. He truly is one of my best friends, someone who played a role in my life that no one else has. Even if he has made some mistakes that have literally shattered my world, I cannot shake the way I care about him. Sometimes I almost wish I could just get pissed off, that I could be angry and harden myself to the situation. But God has truly kept my heart soft overall, and I think it is miraculous. I was reading in Romans today and came across a passage I have read many times before but really noticed today.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

It really struck home for me today. It paints such a vivid picture for what our lives should be modeled after. The things Spencer is facing right now really are between him and God. I just hope to be someone who can walk beside him in this time.