Winners

I feel like I talk about Starbucks too often. And many times in a pretty negative fashion. But when that's where I spend a good deal of my time, that's where a lot of my stories are going to stem from. I doubt that anyone cares, but I thought I would give some awards today for various titles that employees or customers have achieved.

1. The Nastiest Drink Ever Award: goes to the woman who ordered this - A venti quad shot TEN PUMP BREVE white mocha. If you don't understand what that means, let me break it down for you. Venti is the biggest size at Starbucks. It's 20 ounces (and here's a free fact for you: 'venti' is the Italian word for 20). Normally it gets two shots of espresso and five pumps of whichever syrup you choose. White mocha happens to be the sweetest syrup we have. Breve is steamed half and half; the Starbucks standard recipe uses two percent milk normally. That drink was topped off with whipped cream also, as if it couldn't get any worse. A co-worker of mine decided to replicate this drink on a different day just so we could try it for ourselves - I pretty much felt my teeth decompose on the spot as I took one sip. SO NASTY.

2. My Least Favorite Customer Ever Award: this one is going to have to be a tie. First we have the man who, with a smile on his face, told me the other day that the store I work in was the worst store he had ever been in. As if I wasn't taken off guard by this statement in the first place (his drink was just like he asked for it and not delayed at ALL), his reasoning for the complaint was that 'every time' he came into the store, there were always 'people talking behind the counter.' Well? We are humans. We do talk to one another and we are friends. Also, was I talking to anyone behind the counter when you walked up? That's right, the answer is no. So why are you telling me instead of the people who were talking? And why are you smiling while telling me this? And most importantly, WHY ARE YOU HERE? If it's so bad, I encourage you to go elsewhere. Seriously!

My other least favorite customer is the man who ordered a tall coffee on Voting Day. Starbucks had a deal running where anyone who voted would get a tall coffee for free. Now, I guess the way it was supposed to work was that the customer had to have a sticker and proudly show it and ask for their coffee. I will admit, he didn't do that. But I felt bad charging him for his drink if he had voted and just didn't know about the special deal. So I asked him: "Sir, did you vote today?" Man with a stick up his ass: "That's none of your business." Me: "Oh. Well...the only reason I ask is because, if you did, I can give you your coffee for free today." MWASUHA: "Well that's still none of your business." Me: "Ok...then that will be $1.67." And what I would have liked to have added: "Your defensive nature tells me you didn't vote anyway, so nice try keeping that a secret. Have a Patriotic day."

3. The Grossest Task of All Time Award: has got to be cleaning the drains at Starbucks. Seriously. Four drains, all of which receive gifts from various stations behind the counter. A few words come to mind: Curdled milk residue. Murky water. Stale stench. Stray milk caps. BIOHAZARD. I don't think my description does this job justice. I stand up after cleaning, lightheaded. Could be the chemicals I am cleaning with, or it could be the filth I am bringing my face within inches of.

4. The Best Co-Worker Award: My friend Murad! He truly is awesome. Grew up in Jordan, now goes to UMKC and is working on his master's. I don't know how he functions, because he always gets about 2-4 hours of sleep before coming in to work. I've never seen him in a bad mood, however, and customers have commented about how well he makes drinks. Additionally some of the stuff he says makes me laugh so hard.

Such as this morning. I brought out a box of Red Velvet Cupcakes to put into the case. Murad: "I think those ones are a little shy." Me: "What? Shy? What?" Murad: "Yes, look at them, they are a little red!" BAHAHA.

Or yesterday as a co-worker who is a good deal bigger than me stepped backwards right as I was passing behind them, I was more or less shoved into the counter and then continued on my way, trying to stay composed. Murad came up and whispered "You were like a shaken iced tea just now." HAHA! Composure was all gone at that point.

He has texted me more than once to say "Hey you, it was sucks when you left today." Probably my favorite phrase of all time. "It was sucks."

I could go on and on with awards. But I'll spare you for now. If anything can top these, I will just have to come back to update the list from time to time.